Meet the New Al Qaeda Boss

How President Bush hopes to use Paul Wolfowitz to undermine a terror network.

By Andy Borowitz
Special to Newsweek

May 22, 2007 – In a bold move to undermine the international terror network, President George W. Bush today named former deputy defense secretary and World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz to be the new president of Al Qaeda. Wolfowitz, who has no experience running an international terror organization, struck many Washington insiders as an unlikely choice for the Al Qaeda job.

But in a White House ceremony introducing his nominee for the top terror post, President Bush indicated that Wolfowitz’s role in planning the war in Iraq and bringing scandal to the World Bank showed that he was “just the man” to bring chaos and disorder to Al Qaeda.

“I’ve seen Paul Wolfowitz in action,” said Bush, a beaming Wolfowitz at his side.  “If anyone can mess up Al Qaeda, it’s this guy.”

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