Today is the anniversary of Richard Nixon’s resignation, which means it is a good day to contemplate one of history’s great missed opportunities:
What if Richard Nixon had Donald Trump’s political machine?
Think about it.
Nixon had the tapes. He had the break-in. He had the cover-up. He had the enemies list. He had the plumbers. He had a president’s pathological belief that everyone was out to get him. Frankly, he had the résumé. What he didn’t have was the modern Republican Party. And that, historians, is where things might have gotten interesting.
Imagine Nixon walking into the White House briefing room in 1974 with Karoline Leavitt standing behind the podium.
A reporter asks: “Did the president know about the Watergate break-in?”
Leavitt smiles.
“Let me be very clear: The American people are tired of the fake news media obsessing over a five-man burglary team when President Nixon is delivering historic results for the country.”
“But the burglars worked for Nixon’s reelection campaign.”
“That’s your characterization.”
“They were arrested inside Democratic headquarters.”
“Again, you’re obsessed with the past.”
“They were caught breaking in.”
“Why don’t you ask me about inflation?”
“But inflation is 12 percent.”
“Exactly. Thank you for making my point.”
And that would be the briefing.
Every day.
Meanwhile, Nixon’s congressional allies would discover the modern political miracle: There is apparently no scandal so large that it cannot be converted into an attack on Democrats.
The impeachment hearings would begin. Republicans would immediately demand an investigation into the investigators. Then an investigation into the investigation of the investigators. Then a congressional hearing into why Congress was holding too many hearings.
One senator would announce, “We need to stop weaponizing the word ‘Watergate.’” Another would say, “Nobody has proven that the president personally broke into the DNC.” A third would ask, with a straight face, “Why aren’t we investigating the DNC’s security failures?” And somewhere, inevitably, someone would say: “Maybe they shouldn’t have had such stealable documents.”
Instead of three television networks and a handful of newspapers, Nixon would have an entire conservative information ecosystem operating around the clock.
The Washington Post runs a front-page story: NIXON WHITE HOUSE HID WATERGATE EVIDENCE.
The response on cable television:
WATERGATE: THE REAL STORY BEHIND THE MEDIA’S OBSESSION
A panel of four men would spend ninety minutes explaining that Bob Woodward is angry because Nixon didn’t give him a better parking space. Another commentator would reveal that Carl Bernstein once attended a cocktail party with a Democrat. “Make of that what you will.” Fox News—if Fox News existed—would run a chyron reading: NIXON UNDER ATTACK: IS THE PRESIDENT TOO EFFECTIVE?
Sean Hannity, transported mysteriously back to 1974, would open his show: “Tonight: The Watergate hoax. Five burglars. Zero evidence of wrongdoing by the president. And why the liberal media hates America.” Then he’d spend the next hour asking why Democrats weren’t talking about crime.
Nixon’s tapes would be released. Normally, that would be devastating. But in the Trump era, the White House would simply call them “doctored.” Experts would explain that the tapes were authentic. The White House would say, “That’s your opinion.” The experts would say, “We can literally hear the president.” The White House would respond, “You’re obsessed.”
And suddenly the debate would no longer be whether Nixon obstructed justice. It would be whether the person who leaked the tape was sufficiently patriotic.
Nixon would also discover the modern political art of turning every legal proceeding into a campaign rally. Instead of appearing before Congress, he would fly around the country telling supporters that Democrats were trying to steal the presidency. He’d hold a rally in Ohio.
“Folks, they hate us because we’re strong. They hate me because I got more votes than anybody expected. Nobody has ever seen anything like this Watergate thing. It’s a witch hunt.”
The crowd would roar.
Someone would sell MAKE WATERGATE GREAT AGAIN hats.
Another would sell shirts reading I STAND WITH NIXON.
Someone would inevitably produce a gold-colored commemorative mug shaped like a tape recorder.
And the fundraising emails would write themselves:
Friend,
THE RADICAL LEFT WANTS TO REMOVE PRESIDENT NIXON FROM OFFICE.
Why? Because he is too strong.
We need 10,000 patriots to donate $19.74 before midnight.
This is your FINAL CHANCE.
DONATE NOW
There would be no final chance. There would be another email tomorrow. And another one the day after that.Eventually, Nixon would simply refuse to leave.
Republican senators would appear on television and explain that resignation would “reward the Democrats.”Someone would say that impeachment was unconstitutional because it was “clearly partisan.” Someone else would point out that impeachment is literally in the Constitution.
“That’s what the Democrats want you to believe.”
The Supreme Court might order Nixon to turn over the tapes. Nixon would say he disagrees. The Court would say the president is not above the law. Nixon’s supporters would reply: “That’s exactly what the Deep State wants you to think.”
Watergate would cease to be a scandal. It would become content. Every revelation would generate another outrage cycle. Every indictment would produce another fundraising appeal. Every court ruling would be described as an attack on the president.
And Nixon wouldn’t resign. He’d announce that he was “strongly considering” remaining in office. Then he’d say he had every right to remain. Then he’d say nobody had ever seen a president treated so unfairly. Then he’d blame the media. Then the Democrats. Then the prosecutors. Then the judges. Then Bob Woodward. Then the people who installed the microphones. Then, probably, the microphones themselves.
And that’s the truly fascinating thing about imagining Nixon in today’s political environment. He wouldn’t necessarily have been less corrupt. He would simply have had better public relations.
In 1974, enough Republicans eventually concluded that Nixon had crossed a line. They put the Constitution ahead of the president. Today, we’d probably have a prime-time television special explaining why the Constitution itself had become part of the witch hunt.
Nixon’s greatest mistake wasn’t Watergate. It was bad timing. He was born about 50 years too early.
If he’d had today’s media ecosystem, today’s congressional politics, today’s social-media outrage machine and today’s limitless capacity to turn accountability into victimhood, he might never have resigned. He might have discovered the most important rule of modern American politics: You don’t have to prove you’re innocent. You just have to convince your people that everyone investigating you is evil. And if you can do that long enough?Congratulations. The burglary is now the victim.
The burglars are patriots. The reporters are criminals. The prosecutors are partisan. The judges are biased. The tapes are fake. And Richard Nixon is the only man in America who can save the country from Richard Nixon.
And JD Vance would be right. Watergate is a 12 hour story.
Leave a Reply